It would have been easy
by Greeds-Lil-Hoe-69
Summary: Shortly after Muraki dies on the ship.  Tsuzuki reflects on his feelings for the doctor. Sorry, no lemons.


It would have been easy

a/n: An Idea I got for a one shot. Muraki/Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki tried the handle on Muraki's door and was surprised to find it was unlocked. The autopsy had not yet been preformed, and the shinigami was expecting the owner to have wanted to keep prying eyes away from the doctor's body. His mind still couldn't accept that Muraki was really gone...it had to be a trick, Muraki must have planned it...he couldn't be dead.

Yet he hadn't moved a centimeter from where he and Hisoka had found him this morning. Despite the kind of person Muraki was, he looked just like an angel. Muraki was pure White from his hair to his shoes and as he held the roses close to his chest, Tsuzuki couldn't help but notice, as he had done several times before, how beautiful Muraki was.

"I know your up to something." Tsuzuki said in his most authoritative voice. "Just me now Muraki, the others are gone, so why don't you cut the crap and tell me what the charade was all about." Muraki didn't move, not a single hair on his head shifted in response to Tsuzuki's demand. Feeling daring, Tsuzuki walked next to the bed where the doctor lay. Nothing about Muraki looked alive, and when Tsuzuki touched his neck to feel for a pulse, Muraki's skin was cold as ice. Still, Tsuzuki was not convinced.

"WAKE UP DAMNIT!" His furious growl was accompanied by a rough slap to Muraki's face. The doctor's head lolled to the side slightly, but he still didn't open his eyes, didn't take in a breath, his face did not redden in irritation from the slap...it was as though hitting a rag doll. Determined, Tsuzuki continued his rough assaults on the doctor, growing more desperate with each strike...

"MURAKI TALK TO ME!" **slap** "I KNOW YOU HEAR ME" **slap** "COME ON" **Slap** "MURAKI PLEASE WAKE UP!"

For some unknown reason, Tsuzuki felt tears running down his face. He couldn't stop himself from slapping Muraki's unresponsive form until his hand felt chapped and raw. "Why?" he choked in barely more than a whisper "how could you be..."

Furious with himself, Tsuzuki wiped the tears from his eyes. "Why am I crying for you" he sobbed, "You killed Hisoka, you killed all those innocent..." Falling to his knees, Tsuzuki felt the tears flow anew. "You were evil, a horrible monster, all those times you said you loved me, I never believed you meant in."

Shaking his head, Tsuzuki pushed himself up off the floor, "Even if you did, it doesn't matter. I didn't love you, not when you were alive, and certainly not now that your..." he couldn't bring himself to say it, and again, he didn't know why it hurt so much...until...

"It's because I could have." A small smile crossed the guardian's face. "I easily could have loved you. I knew from that first time I saw you in the church. I could have loved you." He leaned over and stroked the face he had just viciously assaulted, "It's ironic isn't it? All that you did, you said you did it so I would notice you, so we'd be drawn together. I would have fallen in love with you if only you hadn't..."

Taking a deep breath, Tsuzuki forced himself to come to terms with himself, "Maybe that's why it always hurt so much to be around you...I wish I could have loved you." Leaning in, Tsuzuki hovered over the doctor, there lips just inches apart, before he forced himself away. There would be no point letting himself fall in love now. Muraki was gone, gone forever, and though the guardian in him knew he should rejoice over the death of such an evil human, the man in him, the man who wanted to love Muraki, knew that there would be pain. Casting one last look on the doctors unmoving body, Tsuzuki left the room, taking care to lock the door behind him.

He couldn't let himself love Muraki, but he couldn't stop himself from grieving for the one he knew he could have easily loved if the circumstances had been different.

A/N: Yeah, nothing incredible, but hey, I was inspired. Reviews are appreciated, constructive criticism is welcome and will be considered, if you flame I will show the insult to my friends and we'll all laugh at you for being an a-hole, so don't bother.


End file.
